KNITWEAR or SHITWEAR you decide

EXCUSE ME MISS !!...hello...excuse me...YOU SEEM TO HAVE A BIG KINDA GREY MOTH ON YOUR BACK & PLASTER CASTS ON YOUR WRISTS...DOES IT HURT.? ..I HOPE SO
OH LOVELY JUBBLY... KNITTED BOLLOCKS...JUST WHAT I WANTED FOR THE GRANDKIDS TO PLAY WITH AT CHRISTMAS..OH AND THE LITTLE PENIS HAS A WARM HAT ON TOO...ah bless how cute
You fugging little bitch, you said this was a screen test for an Oliva Tobias stand in part...I'll fugging make you pay for this..
SAW YOU IN CAMOUFLAGE CLASS TODAY ! ..... you bad knitter... try again

I WAS JUST STEALING THIS ELEPHANTS SCARF WHEN I ACCIDENTALLY TROD IN ITS SHIT
THAT WAS THE BEST FART I'VE EVER HAD...BLEW STRAIGHT UP MY BACK..A REAL CRACKER OF A RED HOT SHIRT LIFTER I'D SAY ... PHEW...ONIONS I THINK
FUGGING BRILLIANT IDEA SHARON ...I'LL KNIT THE SLEEVES & YOU KNIT THE REST

OH FUG OFF...I can't even be bothered with this dappy tart, something to do on wet weekend with an old rug rather than take it to the council tip was it honey ? Yep ..I'm guilty of stepping out of my wet knickers when no ones looking as well , usually at bus stops, but not whilst wrapped in an army camouflage blanket for a chieften tank knitted by the Royal British Legion's nothing better to do widows club.

I know, lets spend hours and hours wasting tons of really expensive shitty vile wool knitting a lumping great fat woman a pair of tights so she can look like the fugging great blue creature from monsters.inc...

OH GOODIE...a matching fugging great jumper to hide Tracy the fat cow's double chin because she's so embarrassed about modeling the revolting knitwear her husbands wanking off over for readers wives..... and why hasn't the patterns creator been executed by having knitting needles shoved up her arse ? COME FORTH & BE IDENTIFIED YOU FUGHEAD

OH LOOK MUMMY, I'VE GOT HAIR, DON'T I LOOK SWEET, I WISH I HAD REAL HAIR AND A BRIGHT RED SCALP MUMMY

LOOK MUMMY I'VE GOT TITS

LOOK WHAT AUNTY KNITTED FOR ME MUMMY, UNCLE NORMAN SAID NOW I'M HIS DREAM BABY GIRL

what the fug is eco friendly anyway

When you get to a certain age (apparently there is one) you instantly awake one morning to find you have been blessed overnight with a primeval need to scream at everybody who's opinion does not match your own ( and a bladder with all the holding power of a dam made from an old crunchy bars)...

...if I think everyone except me is a complete waste of human organs, then I owe it myself to tell them, I mean I just couldn't live with myself if I didn't spend my last worldly years before shuffling off this mortal shit ball of compost without making everyone's life a total misery by pointing out their own stupidity to them.

Then only yesterday, for example, I had to go out of my very busy way to explain to the pox marked amoeba on the Tescos checkout till, with his, just left school I only work here, blank expression on his slappable git face, that a cardboard box is a squarish thing that is usually brown coloured and made of cardboard , simple you would have thought.

So I still don't see what all the fuss was about, or why the manager had to put down his chicken vindaloo sandwich and crawl down 2 flights of stairs with broken legs attitude to ask me why I was holding up the queue and not using the free carrier bags..

In this ECO ECO fugging ECO world a lady of a certain age should not need to be carried shoulder high above the lottery ticket queue screaming "I'm going to fugging kill you, you little fukwitt shithead) so everyone can gasp at her wrinkled old snatch (because she discreetly stepped out of her wet knickers on the bus) ...

I'm sure that's not what Eco friendly is all about but I'll keep you posted.